have ever felt like, you just wanted to end everything, you just wanted the earth to stop revolving, the sun to stop shining, the moon to stop reflecting...
have you ever felt the heaviness of tears in your eyes, along with this is the screaming pain that crunches your heart? Like you can’t breathe, you can’t say a word, you can’t think, all you want to do is to shout, to jump, to slam you head, to slash yourself.
Have you ever felt like you're so numb, like every air you breathe in has the tiniest needles that penetrates and pinches your heart with pain? Like every air was toxic, every thought was painful...
Have you ever felt that?
Right now, at this moment of time I do. It’s blaring inside me, consuming me, like a parasite in every inch of air I engulf.
I do not want to plot the whole story why I felt this way...
it’s just like:
POOH and PIGLET
pooh and piglet were best friends, it is in the nature of pooh that if any of his friends acquaint pooh with their other friend, pooh always makes sure that he befriend those person. Pooh thinks its very much ok to be friend his friend's friends because after all it was his friend's friend (hope the friend's friend thing does not confuse you in any way).
Moving on, piglet has a friend (donkey) and pooh befriended donkey, pooh and donkey went well and became friends. Without Pooh's knowledge, he made piglet so disappointed and some how made piglet ignore him for some time.
Pooh, loved piglet so much, piglet knows that, pooh does not know the reason why piglet does not want pooh to befriend donkey, but piglet explained to pooh why pooh should not be friend donkey, reasons like, Piglet and Donkey had previous conflicts and issues to deal with. So Pooh should not be friend donkey and like that.
Pooh respects piglet a lot because after years of being a friend, pooh considers piglet as his brother. Pooh cut down any means of communication between him and donkey. This is to protect the bond he had with piglet. After all piglet and pooh were friends for so long donkey just came along from no where.
After so many months, pooh and piglet just went well and just forget anything that happened. Pooh, got a job, piglet was enjoying his apple from the farm. Pooh was really happy for piglet having apple that is so rare.
Then this day came, pooh called piglet, to say hi, pooh misses piglet a lot, they never saw each other for about a week. Pooh wanted to refresh the bond, but to pooh’s surprise, pooh wasn’t expecting that it will be like that.
Piglet asked Pooh, if he was the one who told donkey about his apple. Pooh was in shocked he doesn’t have any communication with donkey for a long time, how can it be…. Pooh explained everything but seems piglet was in a closed mind that he doesn’t hear anything pooh is saying.
Piglet says, the day pooh sends his regards, that was also the day that donkey told him about his apple. Piglet asked donkey who told him about the apple, donkey won’t tell him but mostly donkey is pointing his tail towards Pooh. So piglet had a close idea who feed the information to donkey, and it was a coincidence that pooh sends his regards and donkey asking about apple happened in almost the same time.
Pooh doesn’t know anything, he asked donkey, but donkey wont tell him where did he get the information about the apple and piglet.
Then along with that discussion, piglet asked pooh if pooh, had ever talked to apple in any means. Pooh replied yes, once said hi, of course apple was piglets beloved why should pooh not be friendly with apple. Then pooh asked piglet why talking with apple is a big deal with him? Piglet replied, No its not... but he said, he just have to be cautious, Pooh once befriended donkey, and the other orange (piglet’s precious before)
Then pooh was hurt by what piglet said, piglet is being CAUTIOUS on pooh, why? WHY? Pooh does not want to get the apple, pooh does not want to destroy everything, pooh does loves piglet, pooh never ever did spill any information to donkey, pooh will die with his words, pooh knows it. If only god can talk to piglet, pooh knows god knows everything.
But seems piglet won’t believe any words uttered by pooh. Pooh is a liar, pooh is bad, pooh is somehow a friend with cruel intentions.
But that’s not Pooh.
Pooh just wanted to end everything, if piglet don’t want him as friend. Pooh will accept the pain and walk by alone. If there is only one hope that could keep the bond pooh and piglet had, pooh is loosing grip on it. Pooh is asking why, piglet is not believing, pooh knows piglet can’t give his 100% trust to him. But even just 1% of it, but seems piglet won’t give any of that trust.
Pooh cant do anything, aside from explaining, still its up to piglet who to believe, Pooh, Donkey, or his Self Assumptions of things.
Pooh will just wait, pooh knows he did nothing. If piglet will believe donkey, or if piglet will believe in his own self assumptions of things, it’s out of pooh’s grasp. Come what may say pooh the most important thing is, pooh still love and respects piglet whatever will happen.
End!
How would you feel if you were pooh, If you were piglet?
Anyhow, I’m still crushed into pieces… everything will be alright I guess…
This pain it will subside in no time, but the scar I don’t know if it will fade or will still remain….
I just wanted to be friendly yet. I guess it’s too much…. Too much…. Too much. Too much!
How many people pass through this over-pass? Compare to the vehicle passing on the street?
Well its okay it was built for peoples safety, a wonderful project indeed,
thanks to the government of iloilo^^
but hell!!! Regardless the kinda-slanting stairs,
EXPLAIN THE ELECTRIC WIRES PLEASE!!!!!
Can anyone tell my WHY? Can anyone tell me WHAT’S THIS?
My eyes were rolling towards number of people strutting back and forth, on my ears playing a local FM station, my favorite of course… my system is flowing through the song that the DJ plays… when suddenly he uttered this words…”what’s the purpose of sorry, when someone was already been hurt?” …. I was stunned…. For about a minute or two I was dazed by that phrase. I was consumed by the fact that I was one of those persons that says sorry when I done something wrong. Well looking at the bright side, I did admit my mistake….. But yeah, he does make sense… what could the word sorry do? Can it rebuild the ruined trust? Can it replenish the love that declined? Maybe, yes….but not totally….
I don’t know how to end this… it’s just like that….. You’ve been forgiven but the scar is there… one thing remains… how can I make up to it?
Well I just let my fingers touch the keyboard and then here it goes. I don’t know if this make sense but I just wanna write it down…
Hmmm well the point here is…. this is where I express all my emotions... hahahaha yeah I don’t have anyone to talk to, im serious…. Its just me and my pillow…
Every glee, melancholy, heart aches, and stomach aches hahahaha nah not included stomach ache…. if im not lying and crying or smiling… I’m in front of this laptop and typing the words my heart utters.
Gawd! I may end up loosing my sanity if it wasn’t for this writing thing hahahaha… imagine, you have to keep all the emotions by yourself hahaha….
If you ask me where’s my friends, gees they’re busy hahahaha… nah the truth is id rather keep this on my own than to let them know, they have their own life to deal with.. hahahaha…..
Seeing me won’t tell you that im happy or im sad…. I’m just plain… my smile hides it all hahaha
So that’s it I guess… I don’t know again… I really don’t know hahaha maybe I don’t know my self….
All I feel right now is, happy but more of sadness, and a bit of nervous… my heart beats quite fast hahahah and every thump there is a distinctive twitch of pain hahaha
Hmm do you know why? Got any clue? Me I’m totally blank….. Gees I’m so stupid hahahaha
My idle mind is blasting.. hahahaha
I was sitting just near my fave chocolate drink “chuckie” then this idea pops in…
“Breathe in a straw”
hahaha senseless ayt? but id does make sense…. I consider it as an idiom, hoping Mr. Webster will adopt this one hahaha^^
Okie, now breathe in a straw…. literally, how do you feel when you breathe through a straw… well yes its quite tiring, hard and unpleasant. No matter how hard you draw-in air from outside to sustain your lung’s need for oxygen… still it wasn’t enough to make you feel pleasurable and free….
Connect connect!!!!
Yes now we can see this…..life is indeed a breathe in a straw…
You work hard, strive to your best; exert all effort just to attain a status of you dream. But no matter how hard you struggle to uphold your wants, still there’s the straw that hinders and filters you form achieving that vision.
Well, I guess.. I already made the thought crystal…
I guess chuckie helps hahahah errr its calcium it’s for the bones hahahaha
C’mon bear with me….
